End of My Rope

OK, I've been back at work for about the last 4 weeks. I expected things to go nice and smoothly, and I was hoping to get back into my normal routine but I was in for a very rude awakening when I returned to find 1) my desk in complete chaos 2) things not being handled the way I wanted them to be handled 3) my duties separated among 3 people. Let me say this, I did THREE jobs when my coworker left to work upstairs. I did my job, my coworker's, and my boss's because my boss was relatively new and didn't know what the hell she was doing.

So what was the solution they came up with: a student worker. I have to train someone to do MY job while I'm gone. I have a HUGE problem with this. He's a graduate student in finance and will be more than capable of doing my job. Why is this a problem? He's a GRADUATE STUDENT IN FINANCE! I have no finance background other than the jobs that I've had and they want him to start now.

**REMINDER** I was on bed rest for 5 weeks. The used 5 of my 12 weeks of FMLA. If I want to stay out on maternity leave longer I could lose my job. I would like to stay out longer for my baby but that probably won't be the case.

If I stay out on maternity leave past my 7 weeks of job protection, they could love this student so much that they'll terminate me. Not a risk I want to take but I'm so pissed that I have to even make that decision. My new boss told me that he doesn't plan on terminating my position and that I should do what I feel I should do, but I just don't 100% trust that while I'm gone, my job will be waiting for me when I get back.

I have so many mixed emotions right now. I want to spend time with my baby. If my worrisome doctors hadn't have put me on bedrest I wouldn't be in this mess. I probably could have been up going to work and walking around just fine this whole time. I could have my full 12 weeks of FMLA. I hate that everyone else gets to walk around smiling while I can't even sleep at night.

Now, on to the last minute worries and concerns. It hurts when I walk! I've never experienced so much pain in my life. It's called Symphysis Pubis Diastasis when your pubic bone separates to make room for the baby to come out. Think of doing a Chinese split and everything that could go wrong went wrong and that's the pain you have to deal with. My stomach is extremely heavy now and it's a pain just to walk to the bathroom, let alone walking to the train every day to get to and from work. My back is killing me too, but I think that's more from stress than a symptom of pregnancy. I really wish I had a car :-(

I'm sure all of these worries will go away as soon as my little one comes, but right now all I can think about is how I'm going to make it through these last little painful months and figure out how I'm going to save my job if I want to take time off. I guess some things will have to be sacrificed.