Just a thought...

Looking at my little widget to the right of the screen really helps me when I want to know the progress of my baby. Wow, never thought I would ever type those words. Last night I went to a Luau where of course everyone was drinking, and not once did I really want one.

Second Preggo Appt

I heard the baby's heartbeat today! 170 bpm! It's like me running a race. I'm getting excited now. I even had the baby daddy come to the doctor with me. I've never seen him so uncomfortable in my life lol. It's like watching an extremely homophobic person at a gay pride parade. I really hope he's able to put away his squeamishness for when I actually go into labor. Now that's going to be something to see! My next appointment isn't until next month. It's really amazing at how much the baby grows week by week. The 12th week is when the embryo is officially considered a fetus. Hopefully next time I get some more ultrasound pictures. More updates to come!

Feeling Better

So I got a new prenatal vitamin. With the advice of one of my friends, I learned that I don't necessarily have to take those huge nasty horse pills the doctor prescribed. I went speed walking around a track by my house about 6 times. Not sure how big that track is, but I'm guessing it's like a mile or more. The morning sickness has gone away and my next doctor appointment is next Thursday. I'm getting used to being pregnant. Sometimes I forget about it in the morning when I wake up, especially if I don't have any back pain or sickness. I'm hoping to hear/see good things next week!

I need to eat better. My tummy keeps telling me I want junk food like McDonald's, pizza, nachos, and other good salty foods that will clog my arteries. However, my mind, fiance, doctors, and family keep telling me to eat healthier. I also need to exercise more. So I'm going to invest in some lettuce, croutons, salad dressing, vegetables, and fruit. I'm also researching a couple of pregnancy workout dvds so I can stay in shape and keep my energy level up.

Not Again

This morning I woke up to the realization that I was spotting again. I don't recall doing anything intense the past couple days. I haven't really been stressed except for the fact that people are driving me crazy about the wedding. I'm trying to understand why this is happening. I'm also trying to understand if I'm going to see this pregnancy the whole way through. Although I'm in a confused state about pregnancy and motherhood, I DO want to keep my baby. I don't want to experience going through a miscarriage because for so long I didn't even think I could have kids. I also wonder if a past surgery is going to affect this pregnancy. I'm at risk for cervical cancer, and a couple of years ago I had a procedure done on my cervix to remove pre-cancerous cells. I've been clear ever since then but I'm wondering how much of my cervix they chopped off and if everything's okay. My doctor told me that they'll watch me closer when I get closer to my due date because I'm at risk of having a premmie (sp?).

Ugh, there's so many things I'm worried about. I just want to make it through the first trimester. I heard the first trimester is the hardest and after that you're almost in the clear to keeping the baby. Anything can happen but I'm remaining hopeful.

Trying to Deal

Don't get me wrong. Babies are gifts from God that should never be taken for granted. But what I feel right now (and most of the time) is depressed/worried/anxious/etc... I never thought about all the things I wouldn't be able to do for the next nine months. I'm young and I like to have fun. I can't drink (I like to drink), I can't eat deli meats (I love the Italian BMT from Subway), I can't ride rollercoasters (I LOOVVVEEE rollercoasters). Sometimes I feel like this summer is going to be a drag. I'm getting married in August and I had planned on getting really messed up at my bachelorette party and wedding. That's not going to happen now.

I just read over that paragraph and realized how selfish I sound. Is it normal to feel this way though? I really am looking forward to being a mother, I just wasn't expecting it so soon, nor did I think about the ways that it would change my life. I think I'll still be in a state of shock until my stomach actually starts growing and I feel some kind of movement in there.

I also didn't take into account how this pregnancy would affect my relationship with the father. Certain "activities" can only be done at a minimum right now and I'm hoping he can be as patient as I can. This morning we got into it about me taking the prenatal vitamins that my doctor prescribed. They're HUGE horse pills that I refuse to swallow. So instead I've been taking folic acid pills which are no bigger than baby pearl earrings. Those I can swallow with no problem. When I told him I wasn't going to take the pills he thought I was kidding, until he found out I hadn't been taking them and had a heart attack. So the solution to this problem is for him to make me a smoothie and mix the pill in so I won't have to worry about choking to death. (I've never been able to swallow pills). I am, however, upset with him because he runs away everytime I try to explain what going on with my body. It's like I'm doing this all by myself. All he wants to do is sit back and chastize me for the things I'm doing wrong and he's not even being supportive. The best form of support is listening. Us pregnant women have emotions (lots of them!) and we need to express them, especially to the person who's in this situation with us! So listen guys out there! Even if you sit there and don't say anything we'll be kinda satisfied!