This morning I woke up to the realization that I was spotting again. I don't recall doing anything intense the past couple days. I haven't really been stressed except for the fact that people are driving me crazy about the wedding. I'm trying to understand why this is happening. I'm also trying to understand if I'm going to see this pregnancy the whole way through. Although I'm in a confused state about pregnancy and motherhood, I DO want to keep my baby. I don't want to experience going through a miscarriage because for so long I didn't even think I could have kids. I also wonder if a past surgery is going to affect this pregnancy. I'm at risk for cervical cancer, and a couple of years ago I had a procedure done on my cervix to remove pre-cancerous cells. I've been clear ever since then but I'm wondering how much of my cervix they chopped off and if everything's okay. My doctor told me that they'll watch me closer when I get closer to my due date because I'm at risk of having a premmie (sp?).
Ugh, there's so many things I'm worried about. I just want to make it through the first trimester. I heard the first trimester is the hardest and after that you're almost in the clear to keeping the baby. Anything can happen but I'm remaining hopeful.
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