Happy Birthday Nolan!

I've been so caught up in my own drama that I hadn't done my post about my baby's first birthday! It turned out to be a great day. I successfully put on the small birthday party that I wanted for him, and might I add, he had a blast! It was almost like he knew it was his birthday. He woke up excited and had energy the whole day. Didn't cry once at his party, and took his nap right before guests started arriving so he wouldn't be grouchy. He dozens of gifts (which I still need to do the thank you cards for) that he loved immediately.

Everyone that know and love him came, except for a few unmentionables...but that's a different story. I'm so thankful that he has all these people in his life that care about him and want to see him become successful. They're the same people that cared about me when I was growing up.

He also had his first piece of cake that, like mommy, he instantly devoured. Well, more so the icing than the actual cake part... He hasn't really gotten the concept of ripping the wrapping paper off the gifts, but we'll see what happens at Christmas, which I'm excited about since it's his real first one he's been able to enjoy. Last year he was a newborn. I'm happy he was able to enjoy his birthday, and after all the excitement he slept the night away. Happy 1st Birthday Baby Nolan!

His first piece of birthday cake!

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The Working Mother

Tonight was my class night. I hate nights like these because I don't get to see my monster when I get off work. Some days I hate working period because I don't want to be away from him. The husband makes fun of me for it, but I don't think he truly understands how I feel because he gets to stay home during the day with Nolan. He works at night while the baby is sleeping so he doesn't have to worry about missing anything. By the time I get home my energy level is usually at its lowest point, and although the first thing I want to do is spend time with him, I also want to lay down and put my feet up.

I'm frustrated. Mainly because I have a husband who can't sympathize with most of my feelings and emotions. Most of the time if I pour my heart out for any reason I get a shrug of the shoulders and a change of the subject. It drives me crazy and I'm worried about it being like that for the rest of our marriage. I'm not trying to change him, but I wish he would be a little more sensitive towards my feelings. I don't know really know how to bring this up with him without the conversation being a waste of my time. But that was a big disgression...

I was talking to a coworker who had a baby a couple of months after I did and we both agreed that this is hard. She even planned her pregnancy and she still feels unprepared, lost, and confused about the journeys of parenthood. You put so much of yourself into being a parent and it's exhausting! Very enjoyable, but exhausting! The separation anxiety phase is really tearing me up as well. No one wants to see their kid upset because you can't stay and spend time with them. However, this is a phase and a process, and even though I understand that I still wish it wasn't so hard.

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Separation Anxiety

It's nice to know that my child loves me and is attached to me. It's not nice however, to see him cry and look so sad when I leave. I knew being a working mother would be hard. I knew there were going to be days when I would get choked up when I left for work, or in the future when I drop him off at school. People tell me that this is only a phase and that he'll get over it. Last week was a really bad week. A couple of days last week my grandmother came over to watch him while my dad took me to the train station, and since he knows the routine now he completely cut up with her. He knew I was getting ready for work and started crying before I even put my coat on. This had me messed up for the rest of the day, and prompted me to look into what to do to make this process easier.

So now when I leave I make our goodbyes short and sweet. By living with my parents I think they had a role in increasing his anxiety by turning our goodbyes into something more dramatic than it needs to be. I had to tell my mom to stop that this week. So far this week I've been giving him a kiss goodbye, and I walk out the door without turning around and waving goodbye. I used to wave goodbye until he would wave back (we're teaching him how to wave), but I don't think that helps him in this situation.

My husband says I baby him too much, but he's my baby! I don't think I'm doing anything to deter his development, and if anything, me being the nurturing mother that I am probably helps his development more. I just want him to know that he's loved and cared for and that he doesn't have anything to worry about. Joe and I are so different with our parenting. While he lets the baby cry for long periods of time I can't stand the sound of it, especially since Nolan lets out this high pitched scream that drives me crazy. There are times when letting him cry is needed and other times when it's not. When he throws his temper tantrums (that he recently developed) I take the needed action, but there are other times when he just wants to be comforted and held. Hell, there are times when I want to be comforted and held, and although I get that, I don't think my husband does. Not sure, I never know what's going through the man's head.

I definitely don't let him get his way, and I'm not opposed to spanking either. But right now I feel like he's too young to understand why he's getting a spanking. I'll probably pop him on his hand every once in a while. The most effective thing has been putting him in his play pen where he can't get to what I told him 3 times not to touch. I read somewhere that this is the time when babies/toddlers test their limits, and it seems like that's exactly what he's been doing. Nevertheless, I think he will turn out to be a pretty well-behaved child because neither my husband nor I have any kind of tolerance for anything less than good behavior.

Crawling, Walking, and Growing

So on October 2, 2010, my baby decided he wanted to take his first steps! He pulled himself up on the table and walked over to me without holding onto it. I didn't notice it at first but I was so excited that I put him back on the floor to make him do it again. It was the most exciting and bittersweet moment since he's been born. Exciting because he can walk! Bittersweet because my baby's growing up so fast. I still remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. I can literally close my eyes and picture every moment that happened that day. Everything after that is somewhat of a blur, but everything leading up to birth is still vivid in my mind. I don't know if anyone loves him more than me. My child has become my biggest and top priority, and anything else comes after.

My husband says that I baby him, but I figure since babies grow so fast I might as well get it in while I can. Soon he won't even want me to hold his hand in public. I don't even want to think about when that day will come. I don't feel like I baby him too much. I show him the appropriate amount of attention and when he needs disciplining I'm able to handle that as well. I feel like the hubby is just too focused on being a hard ass all the time and wants to instill fear instead of love first. It has to be a male thing. My dad wasn't like that with me and my sister and we turned out to be some really good kids. I'm not tooting my own horn, I just feel like there should be a balance of love and discipline. All that militant stuff can fall back. Of course when someone has an idea in their head about what they want to do it's pretty hard to change their mind. I'm just afraid that I'm going to have to deal with this child coming to me and telling me he feels like "daddy doesn't love him." But only time will tell. Nolan's pretty tough, even for a baby, so he may be able to take it and shake it off.

I'm so excited for his 1st birthday. I really can't believe he's grown so fast. I'm tearing up as I type this. (Sorry I'm an emotional person, gets on my husband's nerves sometimes). I've been planning his party which I'm really excited for. I'm trying to keep it very small. I only really want immediate family there. It's going to be tricky because I know some people are going to trip. They'll get over it. Too many guests will turn the party into a large social gathering and it'll become more about catching up and conversing than the baby being the main focus. We'll see how everything turns out, and I'll definitely write about it the next day. Regardless of what happens, the main focus is my baby and that is all that is important.

10 Months Flew By

Yesterday my son turned 10 months old and I didn't even realize it. I looked at the date today and was shocked. I've been planning his 1st birthday party. I don't want to do anything too big. The party should be about him and if I invite every single adult and their children that I know it'll become one big social event that won't really be about him. I've been to a couple of one year old birthday parties to notice that trend. The kid is usually too young to know what's going on and there's always a bunch of older kids running around knocking the younger ones over. I don't want that, besides the fact that I don't really have my own home to throw a big party anyway. I'm going to keep it small and just invite the key people in his life.

I already bought his birthday outfit (which is soooo cute) and I think I'm going to make the cake myself. I haven't really decided yet. I personally want a professional cake from a bakery or store because I'm just a cake fiend, but I also want to make it to be more personal. I'll probably end up making it. I think I have enough cake decorating skills to do that. I wish I could take another cake decorating class but I just don't have the time.

Milestones

• Pulling up on furniture
• More teething :0(
• Eating more foods
• Trying to pronounce some words :-)
• Balancing on his own feet

It still amazes me how fast he's grown. You never believe when people tell you that babies grow so fast until you see it for your very eyes.

Teething!!! Help!!!

So for the last couple of weeks my little happy baby has been a very upset and irritable baby. Not all the time but enough for me to be annoyed. There's time when I actual look forward to coming to work just to get away. Am I the only mother that feels that way? I hope not. He's been grouchy, doesn't want to sleep, crying all the time, and I think the amount of drool really bothers his stomach because he can't seem to keep food down or bother to eat. I'll be sooooooo glad when this phase is over. Right when we were in a good spot with him sleeping through the night this starts to happen. Then since he doesn't sleep, guess who else doesn't sleep. That's right! ME! I'm sooo tired. However, I know this is only temporary and I'll get through it. Hopefully he gets his full infant set by the time he's 12 months.

Positively thinking, I've been taking him swimming. At first he didn't seem to happy with it but this last time that we went proved to be successful. I was holding him the whole time the first couple of sessions, but last week I started to let him go a little to see if he could float or hold himself up on his own. They say babies have a naturally ability to swim so I wanted to test out that theory, CAREFULLY! I didn't let him go completely. I kept my hand under his belly. I put a toy in front of him and he tried to kick and move his arms to get to it. I think that's the approach I'm going to keep using to motivate him to learn how to swim. His father and I are determined to keep him active throughout his life. I have to make sure he stays out of trouble.

8 Months Old

My little man turned 8 months old this past week. Motherhood is still great! It's tiring at times, but rewarding at the same time. I still feel like I'm part of a special club that requires a special membership. I couldn't ask for a more special baby. He's getting so big and becoming so much more active. Smiling, laughing, and chewing on the closest objective and his favorite hobbies. Oh, and don't forget eating! I've never seen a baby with such an appetite. Recent milestones include sitting without support, rolling over in both directions, and moving around with the walker. The walker is probably my favorite. He started by only being able to move backwards, but now he's all over the place. I can't wait to see what other milestones he hits this month.

6 Months Old

It's been six months since I gave birth to the little ball of energy I call Nolan. He's the brightest and most cuddly baby a mom could have. I absolutely love my little boy and couldn't picture my life without him. SO, what's he doing now? Not much yet. He's just now learning how to turn over, and loves to do it at the wrong times, like when I'm changing his diaper. I guess he feels free when that diaper is loose. He's starting to learn how to sit up as well, and I can't wait! But most of all, I can't wait for him to hold his bottle. The best time of the day is when I get to go home to see him. He makes me forget about all my problems because I know that he doesn't have any yet. He's just a baby, and the ignorance of the world hasn't taken away his innocence yet.

At his 6 month check up he weighed 18 lbs and was 27 in. I think he's going to surpass his dad in height. The doctor said he had a lot of personality for a 6 month old, which lets me know that everything is fine and on schedule. I don't have to worry about any mental development issues. It's crazy how around this time last year I found out I was pregnant and was worried about my life changing. It definitely changed, but I'm happy to say that it changed for the better. I wouldn't do anything different. I wouldn't take anything away. I don't have any regrets. I love seeing my husband with my son, and I hope he feels the same way about me. Motherhood has definitely become real and I wouldn't trade it in for the world.

Early Surprise and Motherhood

Eight days after my last post, my water bag had a leak in it. I wasn't sure if this was just the normal heavy discharge that woman experience during pregnancy or if my water had broken. It wasn't a huge gush of liquid so I wanted to be sure. I called the doctor and asked if I should come into the doctor's office or go straight to the hospital. Since she knew my previous situation I was sent straight to the hospital. Long story short, my water had broken and they induced me on that day. Six hours later, little Nolan was born on November 20, 2009 at 1:32am. Came out looking just like his daddy. I was overcome with a mix of emotions. Sad because he was born too early, but happy that I finally got to hold my baby. Of course, he had to spend time in the NICU for about a week because he was 6 weeks early. I would go into all the details of my labor but it was so long ago and so much to type that he'll be waking up from his nap by the time I get to the middle of the story. I will say that I definitely tried the natural birth and it just wasn't working for me. So I cracked and got the epidural, which felt great! I was able to relax and even take a nap before it was time for me to push. And I'd do it all over again as long as I have that epidural. The recovery wasn't too bad. I didn't tear and everything went back to its normal size as I had hope. The only problem I did have was terrible back pain. My back had to readjust itself after carrying that weight for so long. And I'm still struggling to lose all my baby weight even though breastfeeding has definitely helped in that area.

It's been a bumpy ride but Nolan has definitely gotten on a schedule and he's almost sleeping through the night. I can't wait to blog about all his milestones. I've already missed a few but not too many since he's still young. He's rolled over a few times, but I've only seen him do it twice. And he's smiling and laughing a lot more, which I think is definitely rewarding when you're a parent and want reassurance that your baby is healthy and developing. I've definitely gone through my ups and downs becoming a new mother and I promise to update regularly. Reading a couple other baby blogs made me miss blogging. When you have a new baby in your life it gets hard to keep it up, but since he's becoming more independent I'll be able to refesh my posts.